Check Em Out!

One of my Christmas gifts from my boyfriend was this book (photo below).  I started reading it that same Christmas Day and find it very interesting.  It had rave reviews, he told me, and I can see why.  It delves into the history of black hair from its roots in Africa and the pride with which Africans wore their hair, the various styles and how even the process of doing the hair was meaningful and ritualistic (makes me think twice about complaining with every twist I put into my thick kinky hair) and goes through each era and the changes in the perception and treatment of black hair through slavery to present.
I plan on making several posts about what I learn in this book but for right now, this is just to get you guys ready for the knowledge I'm about drop... yes, open your  minds and be educated.  On a serious note, I do recommend this book for those of you interested in reading.  It is definitely an interesting, informative and highly acclaimed choice of reading material.  I will say more about this later.  Stay tuned!

In addition, I received in the mail yesterday from my bf, a head massager.  Yes you read right, it looks like such a simple contraption but it feels sooooo good on my scalp and helps to distribute oils and stimulate hair growth without messing up your do.  I loooove scalp massages and I'm sure i"m not the only one.  I'm always hesitant to try to massage my own scalp because first of all, it's awkward, it messes up my hair style if I have one at the time and I'm afraid it will cause my hair to tangle or cause breakage.  This head massager slides easily past your strands to get to your scalp for the most relaxing, mind blowing scalp massage you'll ever give yourself.  Seriously, try it!  You can get it on amazon.com.  They have various types and brands, just search head massager.

Holidays, Celebrations, and Hair

Hello Naturalistas, it's been awhile.  It's been a busy busy holiday between working, and spending time with family, I've not had a lot of time to myself.  So here is a recap:

Dec. 21 was my birthday.  The weekend before I had a whirlwind weekend that included shopping with my mom, dinner and drinks with my sis, a housewarming party put on by one of my best friends and then a drive to Miami for some quality time with the bf.  My birthday fell on a Wed which meant I had to work, after which I went to dinner with the bf and watched X-Factor finale.  (Yes, I couldn't miss it!.. even on my bday).  I then finished the short work week and spent Christmas Eve with my family for our very first Christmas breakfast complete with some of my favorite Jamaican foods.  After I digested my food and watched my nephews open presents, I drove over 3 hours to spend Christmas with my bf and his family.  I returned today the 27th and have a few more days of work before the New Year's holiday for which I have no plans as yet so we'll see how it goes.  The end.  Pictures are below.
 My hair was an adventure. For my pre-birthday dinner with my sister, I did a chunky twistout.  My sis who's also a naturalista kept her hair in twists with a bun in the back and a side bang with the cutest bow headband.   Btw, she pulls this look off well.  Whenever I try hair accessories, I wind up looking like a 10 year old... no lie!

Checking out my chunky twist out in the mirror before going out

Out to a pre-birthday dinner with my sis

 For Christmas Eve, I didn't feel like undoing my twists so I started experimenting with a retro bang while and a polka dot headband... I didn't quite get it right but here's a picture:

Experimenting with a retro style for Christmas Eve... "I Love Lucy" anyone?

 So you guys have to forgive me.  I did take my twists down for Christmas Day but unfortunately I don't have pictures.  The below picture is of my hair the day AFTER Christmas when my twist-out basically turned into a shrunken 'fro aka NOT my intended hairstyle but since my hair has proven that it's the boss of me, I just had to roll with it. 

Lounging around doing nothing day after Christmas

 When I finally got tired of the shrunken fro that was gradually turning into a tangled tumbleweed mess, in a fit of rage and frustration I made some large twists and pinned them up.  This is how I wore my hair up to now.  Sigh...

After I surrendered to the pandemonium that was my hair back home after my whirlwind weekend

Natural Hair Feature: Lisa

Yes, I decided to do a natural hair feature on myself.  The reason is, what better way for my viewers to get to know me and my hair journey than to do my very own feature?  If anyone is interested in being featured on my blog, please email me at monalisa369@aol.com with the subject "Natural Hair Feature".  Thanks guys!

Why did you decide to go natural and what was the transitioning process like for you?
I decided to go natural because I was tired of damaging my hair with chemicals and I saw all these beautiful women on the internet who were successfully wearing their natural hair and looked great doing it!  I only transitioned for 3 months.  I'm not the patient kind.  I didn't wear extensions or braids or anything.  I mostly just tried to smooth my roots using gel and sometimes a flat iron but I tried to minimize that as well.  And then I said "enough is enough!" and I had my big sis chop it off.

What do you love most about being natural?
Not having to relax my hair, not having to go to the salon, and that it's different from what people expect from me and therefore it sets me apart from the majority.  Oh and also that it's me the way God meant me to look and I'm embracing that.

What is your regimen and how do you often style your hair?
I wash about once a week with a sulfate free shampoo.  I deep condition with my own mixture of shea butter, honey, and castor oil or whatever oil I have on hand.  I have also been adding Burts Bees grapefruit deep conditioner to the mix.  I change it up depending on what I have handy.  I usually use Shea Moisture leave in.  I then put my hair in twists for the week and pin it up in an updo for work.  I take my twists out for the weekends and wear it free in a twist out.  I try to spritz with water and seal in moisture with one of my oils ( Castor oil, Olive oil, a mixture of oils, whatever) once a day or as needed.  I also have been trying protein treatments and henna treatments about once every couple of months depending on what I feel my hair needs.  And I trim my hair as needed, every few months usually.  And that's it!

What advice do you have for other naturals or those considering going natural?
Do lots of research, take advantage of the resources available and there's tons of it!  Then simplify simplify simplify.  Experiment a bit and pick the basics of what works for you.  Keep it basic and don't get stressed out!  There'll be good days and bad days and that's fine.


What are three words that describe your hair now?
Thick, fabulous, touchable


What does being "natural" mean to you?
Saying F-U to anybody who says natural hair isn't practical or isn't beautiful.  It means that I don't have to conform to some ideal, that I'm perfect just the way God made me: kinky hair and all!

Wrap It Up

Recently, I have been all about all things African, from African prints, African design accessories to most recently headwraps.  Yes, it took me awhile to join onto the trend as with everything else.  I'm not into fads and it takes time for things to grow on me, but this certainly has.  I have seen a few youtube videos on how to pull of the look and I encourage you to search youtube and look at wrapping techniques whether you're interested in a traditional headwrap style or want to switch it up with bold colors (as above) or an edgy, different style. 

Also there are so many cool African prints to try and what better accesory to pull off the look than a beautiful head of natural hair?  So naturalistas, embrace your roots and let's rock this style and make not just a fad, but a true classic fashion statement.

Big Bang

I love bangs!  I used to wear bangs when I had relaxed hair, but wearing natural hair bangs is a whole new kind of cute.  I decided to experiment with them when I was bored with having my hair in twists and was tempted to let my hair loose and I thought, why not just let out the front and wear bangs and ... voila!  It's kind of hard getting my hair to go in the direction I want, and bangs can look kind of crazy if they're sticking up or out in the wrong direction but I managed to maneuver them a little bit.  I'll continue to work on this style so I can add it to my style repertoire. 

b

happy

I have a lot of opportunities to study people because of the kind of work I do.  I work in healthcare service industry and see many patients with whom I am lucky enough to be able to spend enough time with to talk to them and get to know them and build a relationship.  Not deliberately, I have come to notice the differences in people's attitudes, their outlooks the overall feeling you get from being in their presence.  I see a lot of older patients who have been married 60+ years who love to share the secrets to their happy marriages.  I've seen the happy, always smiling, pleasant to be around ones.  And then there are the miserable, nasty, hateful ones who make you wish you had never met them and instantly sour your mood.
I choose to study the pleasant ones. They are the ones who make my day brighter and give me a good feeling about life.  They are happy people.  And the reason they are happy??  Not because life has been all sugar and spice for them.  They had and still have their share of hardships... some with major ones that I can't even fathom recovering from.  But they focus on the positive.  One thing that all these happy people have in common, despite it all, they consider themselves lucky.  I hear it all the time, all these happy people at some point tell me that one thing: "I have been lucky" or "I am lucky".  They are ill, their spouses are ill or deceased, they live alone, they are not as mobile or independent as they used to be, they have financial troubles, etc etc.  But they are lucky because.... and they start to list all the things that have gone RIGHT in their lives:  My wife passed away but we had a wonderful 50 years together and 3 beautiful children.  Or I am ill, but I am still alive and functioning which is more than a lot of people can say.  I feel so inspired by these people.
I once had a patient say something to himself just in passing that I always remember for some reason.  He was very upbeat and jovial, always in good spirits, never complaining despite life's trials.  After this physical therapy, he bounces up off the mat and on his way out the door, I overhear him say to himself: "Every day is holiday and every meal is a feast!".  It seemed just such a random thing to say to oneself and not to anyone in particular.  And it made me shake my head and laugh because he seemed a little crazy in a world where people often go about their days and only seem to look for reasons to complain.  He for no apparent reason seemed to think there is reason to celebrate.  I noticed that this was his general demeanor.  And I noticed that I loved to be around him.  Even if I wasn't interacting with him that particular day, just his being the room put me in a better mood.
People like to be around happy people. It's all about outlook.  Your outlook is a habit.  People habitually focus on the negative or focus on the positive.  Whichever you focus on begins to appear larger and larger the more you focus on it.  Habits take practice and effort until it is one day second nature.  Think of all the things that have gone right in your day today.  Do it everyday.  Think of the reasons you are lucky and feel free to share them with others.  It sounds simple but it is actually very challenging to change your habits.  But once you've done it, you'll find you've discovered that elusive secret to happiness.

Some Things to Try for Dry Brittle Hair

My li'l sis asked me the other day about tips for keeping hair moist.  She complained that her hair seems to have been really really dry no matter what she does.  I gave her some general tips such as moisturizing and sealing and deep conditioning but she said she already did these things.  I was stumped because that's basically what I do.  But then I thought about it and realized there are a lot of other things I used to do some of which I still do.  I'm not combating a dryness problem the way she describes so I've been very minimalist with my moisturizing but for those of you in dire need of moisture, try these tips:

1)  Pre-poo/Hot oil treatment:  Dampen hair with spray bottle.  You can include leave in with water but plain ol water will do fine.  Warm mixture of any of the following oils: castor oil (can' say enough about it), coconut oil, olive oil, jojoba oil or whatever you have.  I love castor oil because it is thick and viscous and really coats the hair as opposed to jojoba oil which is relatively light.  But again, any oil will do.  Completely saturate hair, be sure to get roots to end instead of just ends.  I then section my hair with little clips and cover with plastic cap.  If your hair is too short to section you can skip this step.  The sectioning just keeps it from shrinking and serves as a preparation for washing.  You can keep this on overnight, or for a few hours.  I would say at least an hour for very dry hair.  If you're sleeping with it, definitely section, maybe in plaits, to prevent matted tangled hair in the morning!

2)  Co-wash instead of shampoo (most of the time):  Everybody's hair needs a good shampooing sometimes to get rid of buildup but I have found that shampoos, (even the sulfate-free kind) can really strip your hair.  Use a conditioner that is light but has good slip.  There's not much else to say about this. If you choose to shampoo, either dilute the shampoo or use very little of it as not to strip the hair then up the deep conditioning and use a leave-in.

3)  Bentonite clay and oil:  I used to swear by this.  It was the first product/mixture that I tried that I saw dramatic and immediate results.  You mix bentonite clay with olive oil to form a paste (the consistency of a mask you would spread on your face).  Slather it through hair root to tip.  I do this on wet hair after washing as the last thing or second to last thing before I style.  Some people say not to let it dry but I let it dry most of the way to ensure the hair absorbs it.  Then rinse thoroughly making sure you get all the residue out.  It seems to clarify AND moisturize at the same time which I've never found another product that does that.  You will immediately notice hair feels cleaner with more curl definition and less dryness.  Bentonite clay is cheap and can be found at Whole Foods among other places.  It also makes a great facial mask and it lasts a while.  I've had my jar since before my Big Chop, granted I have not been using it much lately.

4)  Leave in conditioner:  I use Shea Moisture leave-in but I'm sure there are other good ones.  Go for a thick creamy one instead of a watery one if you have dry kinky hair.

5)  Go easy on the protein:  I do a protein treatment only every 6-8 weeks.  Protein can strengthen hair but it can also dry it out.  There has to be a protein-moisture balance.  Too much protein and it's hard to maintain moisture.  I would use a moisturizing conditioner weekly and a protein one as needed but no more than every 4 weeks depending on how intense of a protein treatment it is.

And of course like I mention, moisturize and seal daily.  You don't have to do all of the above.  But try them all and see which works for you and which doesn't. 

Her other question was preventing breakage.  My advice was this:

1)  Low manipulation.  If you have brittle hair, never comb it completely dry.  My hair has to be at least 50% saturated before I try to run even a wide tooth comb through it.  Then again my hair is so thick that I couldn't run a comb through it dry even if I wanted to! 

2)  Finger detangle GENTLY when needed between washes instead of combing or brushing.  PUT AWAY THE COMB!

3)  Protective styling:  It's hard when hair is short but if you can find a decent protective style (a style that will last a few days at least before it needs re-doing), then do that  most of the time.  Push comes to shove, braids, sew-ins come in handy.  Just put it away and regroup!  I'm actually considering a protective style for a couple of months in the winter myself.

4)  Moisturize and cover hair before you sleep:  If you must sleep with it uncovered, invest in some satin pillowcases.  Try not to sleep with hair out, put large plaits or just section and pin hair to keep from matting.  Anything that will prevent tangles and frustration while detangling helps.

5)  Keep hair stretched when you can.  That means, try to avoid shrinkage.  Adding any kind of moisture to your hair when it's out will lead to shrinkage which kind of makes it hard to moisturize and seal.  That one's a toughie which is why I only wear my hair out a couple days out of the week although I'd love to have it out all the time.

Hope this helps.  All these things I've learned through other blogs and everything I listed I've done and tried myself and it worked for me.  So the gist is be gentle and patient.  Only detangle your hair when you have time and energy because if you're in a hurry you will tear through your hair because you're impatient.  I'd rather put off washing and detangling than do it in a hurry. 

My Favorite Things

Hey Naturalistas, below I am sharing with you some of my favorite things.  I know I'm not Oprah and you probably don't care, but I"m telling you anyway!  Enjoy!

Stuffed animals are back in!  And you can't go wrong if they double as comfy pillows... zzzzzzzzzzzzz

A gangsta neck piece.  OK, maybe the owl isn't scaring anybody, but it definitely makes a statement

Earrings:  The bigger, the longer, the better.  'Nuff said!

Pins:  For a quirky touch to your basic tee, pins are awesome!  I got this bicycle one in San Fran

Soursop smoothie.  OK, this may seem like a game of  "Which One of These Does Not Belong?" but this smoothie is too good not to mention.  If you don't know what soursop is, you better ask somebody.  YUM!

By far my favorite accessory: Big Hair:  Mine isn't a BAA (Big Ass Afro) yet, but it's getting there and the bigger it gets the more I love it!

I do love this hat.  Protective style/bad hair day/want to keep warm (it really is warm)... all of the above?  A knit hat is a cute way to go

Nail polish:  Any color is fine, EVERY color?  Even better!

Winter is almost upon us and warm feet are a must.  Dr. Seuss socks are fun and boy do they keep my feet toasty!

I like sandals, but I know I can't wear them all the time, hence my boat shoes.  They're not for everybody... but they're uber comfy and I think they're cool.  Get a good quality pair and they'll last forever!

Giving Thanks

Well Naturalistas, Thanksgiving is almost upon us.  And what better time to focus on the things we are thankful for.  I know what you're thinking, you should be doing that all year ... and I have been!  December will make one full year that I have religiously kept a Grateful Journal for each day.   I got this idea from Oprah, who is such a great inspiration by the way.  I was not successful at it on the first try.  I always tried to pick up the habit during some particularly unsatisfactory period in my life and somehow found myself just going through the motions and not feeling truly thankful.  But for the past year, this journaling has really helped me in my outlook on life.  The secret is only to write things you are truly thankful for that particular day which means going through all the events of your day and maybe even re-thinking your perspective on them.  It's a challenge because some days seem just all bad, but those are the days you need it the most.  You will feel instantly better about your day and your life.  It's usually little things. For example, I'm thankful for Family Feud because it was a half hour of amusement that made me laugh and brightened my day a bit.  Honestly, that's what I write. You'll find yourself eventually going through your day looking for things to be thankful for.  I'll notice the sun setting on the horizon and take the time to be truly grateful for that moment rather than glancing it and just keep going commiserating over all the things that are going wrong in my day or in my life.  It's important not to mindlessly list things like "health, family, food" although those are things to be thankful for.  But it's about each day being unique.  I am thankful for those things everyday, it's important to try to list unique things for the day or else you fall in to a rut and it just feels like a useless exercise.  If you are particularly thankful for your health today because you met someone who's suffering and struggling with health issues and it really gave you perspective and made you realize how  lucky you are not to have health issues then go ahead and list it.  That is the idea.
Then you can even look back and remind yourself of things you wrote a month or a year ago.  I have a full year to look back on and it makes me smile to read about what happened one particular day that inspired me to feel grateful.  It  makes me realize that in the grand scheme of things, I'm pretty lucky.  No matter what the circumstance, you can always find something to be thankful for no matter how minute.
Today one major thing I am thankful for is my viewers.  Yes you!  I figured out (finally) how to check my stats and I am pleased to see that people are actually visiting my blog and hopefully reading the content and benefiting from it.  That will definitely be 1 of the 5 things I list at the end of the day.  I hope I will inspire you all to find reasons to be thankful as well.

Excited for the Holidays!

My mom and I around the holidays in 2009

I'm a Christmas Baby.  I love the holidays.  I am very cheesy about it too.  I usually can't wait for day after Thanksgiving to blast my Mariah Carey "Merry Christmas" album from waaayyy back when.  I've had this CD for maybe 15 years and usually I don 't make it to Thanksgiving.  I can't wait to belt out "O Holy Night" and "All I Want for Christmas is You" right along with Mariah.  It sounds atrocious but who cares?  My sister used to make fun of me for my obsession with this CD.
It's not just the holiday music though.  It's the lights, the cool (or cold depending on where you live) weather that makes you want to light a candle and snuggle up close to somebody, the festive mood people are usually in.  I love it all.  I love breaking out my scarves and boots and braving the cold going out somewhere... anywhere. 
And there is the  nostalgia of Christmas in Jamaica as a child.  There was no Santa Claus and no presents under the tree (I actually never quite felt a connection to the whole Santa thing).  It was always about Baby Jesus and I remember putting on Christmas productions at school and in church, singing "Away in a Manger" to a decked out Christmas audience.  We would go to the fair and ride the merry-go-round.  And then we had Grand Market Night, a Jamaican tradition.  Christmas Eve night, little kiddies with their parents would go out to town and stay out until almost daylight with shopping and festivities.  We'd go home with balloons, brand new dolls, all kinds of great things.  We'd go to sleep and wake up the next day to play with our toys.  Ah nostalgia!  And then there's the the food!  Sorrell and rum cake (I'm Jamaican, so no egg nog and fruit cake for me).
 I have to admit I went through a little phase somewhere along the way where I didn't like the holidays as much.  It was probably one or two years in college when I was a bit cynical.  I was transitioning into adulthood and there didn't seem to be much fun in the holidays for adults.  Also, the stress of coming up with money I didn't have to buy presents for my family members, presents I felt weren't appreciated anyway, was starting to get to me.  But I've come full circle and  came back to the realization that it's not about the presents.  It has never been at least not for me.  I have a small family and we never really had a lot of money so I'd get 2 or 3 presents at most and usually nothing too impressive.  Once I got over my resentments about the crowds and buying gifts and not getting anything I like, I came back to being elated about the holidays.
I actually can't wait to host a Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner of my own, in my own home and maybe have my own additions to the family.  This year we already have a new addition.  My nephew will be celebrating his very first Christmas!  I'm gonna get a tree, I'm gonna torture everyone with my Christmas music, I'm gonna drag somebody with me to the Festival and Lights and it's gonna be awesome!  Yay!

Random Quote #1

Natural Hair Love

Whew, what an interesting weekend I had.  It was a roller coaster of sorts.
Anyway, the only part that pertains to this blog really is my experience in the grocery store today.  I must mention that I am so proud of myself.  I have had my hair in a twist updo for a week now even though I prefer it out.  But I'm making the health of my hair a priority over styling and I will set it free for a couple of days soon enough.  But, I feel like my hair in twists looks OK at best.  Anyway, I went to Publix with my mom today and there is a group of black women standing around the seafood section and I kind of peeked my head in to see what was on sale.  One of the women looks at me and says, "Your hair looks fabulous!".  My response, "Who me?" Not what I expected, especially from another black woman.  Now before you get on my case for this one, black people I think have been the least receptive to my natural hair.  I get compliments from other races but rarely from a black woman,... that coupled with that I didn't feel particularly fly with my twist updo made me look around to see who exactly she was talking to.  "Yes you", she said, looking dead at me and I gave a coy "Thank you".  I start down the aisle after my mom with my chest a little higher and trying not to smile too hard.  My mom who overheard the compliment says how everyone is embracing the natural hair these days, and that it's becoming a movement.  I see another black woman stocking shelves in the aisles who obviously overheard the compliment AND my mom's comment and says, "yes everybody's going natural".  She had her hair in large flat twists and from the looks of it she was not natural but perhaps transitioning.  I ask if she's natural and she says, no but she's trying to be.  I smiled even wider then. 
Something about this random support for natural hair among black women right there in that supermarket bolstered my pride.  I know there are still a lot of black women who wouldn't think of it, and look at those of us that do with a certain level of ridicule, but here coincidentally within 15 square foot space were four black women who appreciate natural black hair.  And the fact that i wasn't rocking a particularly impressive hairdo, it was just plain old twists pinned up and that was enough to garner admiration. I love it and hope it keeps on coming.  Not the compliments necessarily although I love those too, but the support and the not only acceptance but admiration of natural black hair among black women.  It's been a long time coming!
Anyway, I hate to talk about my personal life too much and I also hate to brag but I have the most awesome boyfriend ever!  He regularly visits at my blog and my Youtube channel and reads all my posts and watches all the vids because he's just that supportive.  He tells me he likes my hair even when it's not looking great (in my opinion).  He knows all about twists and twist-outs and all the stuff I do to my hair and I think it's so cute.  And yesterday he tells me he was doing "research" about natural hair products and read about coconut oil and how all the natural black women thinks it's awesome.  Then he proceeded to order me a jar from amazon.com and have it shipped to my apartment.   I read so many articles about women who don't have the support of their significant others and I feel lucky (huge grin).
So yeah, it was a great weekend for my  hair.  I'm definitely feeling and appreciating the love!

Happy Friday, Naturalistas!

I am having an awesome day today.  I've learned that if you want to have a good day, you have to make it!  Sitting around waiting for pleasant adventures to come my way has never worked out for me.  So today, I needed a little pick me up and just my luck: I have half day Fridays! I figure I should take advantage as all good things must come an end and I may be back to a regular work schedule very soon.
So after work I was starving because I'd forgotten my usual snack (I absolutely must eat every 2-3 hours!)  My mouth was watering for some Jamaican food, so I drove a quarter mile to the conveniently located Island Basket in Lake Worth, FL and got me some curry goat with rice and peas and cabbage.  It took a lot of will-power for me to not eat it then and there because it smelled unbelievable but I drove downtown since it's a nice cool day and sat outside on a park bench.  The weather today has been cool and breezy and that much more breezy because I was right by the beach.  I then proceeded to devour that curry goat!  I'm sure people were walking by and looking at me like "damn, she must have not eaten for days!" but I don't care.  I had a total food-gasm... several actually!
I then stayed right there on my park bench outside and like the nerd that I am got fully engrossed in a book after which I did some window shopping and headed home.  On the way back, my eye caught a Salvation Army (I love the Salvation Army).  Now I'm not a regular thrifter but I have found some good buys in the thrift store.  However, if I walk in and it's a disorganized mess or there is even the faintest smell of mustiness, I'm immediately turned off which is probably what turns me off from thrifting more regularly.  But I hadn't been to this particular store before so I went in and to my pleasant surprise it was neat and clean and well organized and even smelled relatively decent.  I was in heaven!
  I sifted through some things and came across this section in the corner called "The Boutique" so I headed over and they had some decent things.  They had a beautiful Cinderalla dress for $14.99 which I was tempted to buy but resisted on the basis that I couldn't think of a single place I'd wear it to.  I then came across this dress (pictured above) that I immediately wanted to buy.  I call it the "Minnie Mouse dress".  I have to admit to having a girly cutesy side to my style so the cuteness of this dress was definitely appealing.  I also bought a top from Free People and an American Outfitters sweater for a total of $17.00!
I left happy and came home to blog about it.  And that's my day so far!  Whew.  I hope you all had an equally good (if not better) Friday than me.  I'm off to eat what's remaining of my curry goat.  Yum!

Natural Hair Feature: Sonya

Why did you go natural and what was the process like for you?
I decided to go natural because I was inspired by my older sisters’ decision to go natural. I started visiting natural hair blogs until I found myself anxious to discover my own natural hair type.

What do you love most about being natural?
I love the fact that it’s just being real with yourself. It’s saying “I am aware and proud of who I am and where I come from, and I’m not ashamed of it.”

What is your regimen and how do you often style your hair?
My regimen thus far is washing every two weeks now. I use a highly diluted vinegar mix to wash and I use Suave Naturals conditioner.  I use Shea Moisture Curl Enhancing Smoothie for moisture.  I love that stuff! I use Olive Oil to seal. I deep condition every other week with a homemade banana deep treatment.  It consists of real bananas, conditioner, and olive oil.

What advice do you have for other naturals or those considering going natural?
Just embrace what God has given you. Remember that it’s just hair so don’t go crazy and over the top with your regimen and trying to do the most with it. That will probably do more bad than good. Your natural hair journey will be a lot more enjoyable if you take that advice.   

What does being "natural" mean to you?
Being natural is wearing your hair unaltered without chemical straightening.

Where can we find you on the internet?
I have a blog… You can find me at www.ladiescrown.com.  

Women and their Looks

I've been thinking a lot lately about how judgmental men can be about women's appearances.  This all stemmed from several conversations I've had with men that led me to realize that men can be very harsh when judging a woman's appearance.  I was told by more than one guy that they can tell when a women is over the age of thirty.  There are changes and they are usually minute, but a man has a very critical eye and can usually find these changes instantly.  They know the tricks women use to conceal flaws and they are looked down on for the flaws themselves as well as for their attempts to conceal them.  Men criticize women for aging then also berate them for the desperate measures they take to reverse age.  I had a conversation with a male patient of mine about how horrible some women look after they have cosmetic procedures done to their faces and how sad it is that they go to such desperate measures to attain "perfection".  But then maybe not the same men, but many men berate women for not being that perfection.  How can you win really? 
My theory is this:  if you spend your life trying to please someone other than yourself, you will turn into a fool.  You will always be too thin for one person and too fat for another, too tall for one and too short for another and so it goes.  There is no perfect way to be that will be pleasing to everyone.  Someone will always not like it.  Take my hair for example, considering that this is a blog mostly about natural hair.  People love it or hate it.  I've been told by friends and strangers that they love my natural hair and that they prefer my hair so much more natural than when it was chemically straightened.  But I've also had a handful of people say they don't care for it, and even my boss recently give her unsolicited opinion telling me she prefers my hair straight, implying she doesn't like it the way it is.  And I could care.  But thankfully I don't.  I could feel self conscious and wonder if I made a mistake in going natural.  But of course, I can't please everyone, so I might as well just please myself.  That's how I see it.
I think the important thing is to surround you with people who like you the way you like yourself and the way you ARE.  Relationships are complicated and people can be superficial.  I was telling my boyfriend my theory on physical attraction and relationships and it goes a little something like this:  On initially meeting someone, physical attraction is anywhere from 80-100% of your overall attraction to the person.  It's looks that makes a guy approach you, let's face it.  As the relationship progresses over time, that ratio changes.  Maybe it's 50% physical attraction and 50% the bond and closeness you have developed as couple.  After another ten years, it may be 25% physical attraction and 75% the bond you have, the family you've made together, the experiences you've shared.  The overall attraction can remain at 100%, you still love this person and want to be with them and you still dote on them but the ratios change.  And this isn't necessarily because the woman has become less attractive over time but because of habituation.  Something is not going to be as appealing to you the 1000th time you see it as it was the first time.  That's just how it goes, even if it looks exactly the same, it still will not be as appealing.  Understanding that is key.  People who go into a marriage/long term relationship expecting anything more, are in for a great disappointment that can lead to divorce. 
That said, I want to grow old with somebody who loves me unconditionally and understands that physical attraction is a superficial component of a very complicated equation.  That bears repeating because that is the whole take home concept of this post, all of which is only my opinion by the way.  Physical attraction is only a superficial component of a very complicated equation.  So it's OK that men sit around and talk about women and their bodies and who is better looking and who isn't aging well, etc.  But I do think MOST men understand that it's just a fun conversation and what they have with their spouse of twenty years who is not necessarily hot and "turning heads" is not worth even considering giving up for the young hottie at the gym (who will also eventually age and stop turning heads btw).  It's the cycle of life. So choose wisely, Naturalistas.  The man you choose to spend the rest of your life with can be the difference between chronic low self esteem and countless futile efforts to attain the Holy Grail of perfection versus aging gracefully, taking care of yourself and feeling happy, loved and appreciated.

How I Became a Minimalist

I've been natural for a year and a half now and have been obsessed with natural hair blogs and Youtube channels for about as long if not longer.  I have finally reached a point of over-saturation!  My obsession has built and built and built until it hit the ceiling and what a wake up call!  I now see the value in simplicity.  There are certain blogs I would visit compulsively, we're talking several times a day, hours spent reading and looking at other people's hair wondering why my hair isn't growing as fast or isn't as beautiful and feeling discouraged.  Then the next minute reading something that made me feel inspired.  I was on an emotional rollercoaster of sorts when it came to my hair.  I would take mental notes and collect ideas of what products and techniques I might need to try.  Recently I was reading about Argan oil and all its benefits.  And I contemplated getting some Argan oil but then I realized, I had read the same thing about coconut oil, and castor oil and olive oil  and jojoba oil, all of which I have in my now cluttered bathroom cabinet and truth is none of them have worked any miracles for me.  They have done their job: sealed in moisture, added shine, etc.  But no miracles and I doubt Argan oil or any other product for that matter will work any miracles.  I just became really frustrated.  I started to think maybe I'm "doing the most" as they say. 
Then I read hair feature after hair feature about how being natural has changed someone's perspective in life.   Every natural featured was some variation of all the others I read.  And I realize, being natural has not turned me into an overnight vegan.  I love my hair but my self-confidence isn't suddenly through the roof.  I'm still human and I'm still me.
Maybe these blogs are made to make me feel like someone's hair is growing faster than mine, or someone had some amazing life-changing turn-around since going natural that I haven't experienced.  I think it's all a big exaggeration.  At least that's what my sister suggested when I told her how frustrated I was getting.
If I were to do all the things recommended on these blogs that I frequent, I would spend all my time couped up in my house mixing conditioners and steaming, baggying, trimming, doing protein treatments and henna treatments and twisting, braiding ... and truth is, I don't think it would make a huge difference.  I work during the week so I can't spend all that time but I have spent entire weekends on my hair, barely seeing the light of day.  And then I think, how absurd!
Now, I have deliberately limited myself visiting blog sites only once per week (not just natural hair blogs but blogs in general) and taking everything I read with a grain of salt.  I browse over a post that interests me then move on.  Five minutes max!.  I had to limit myself because I was going overboard. 
As for my regimen, I have simplified it exponentially.  I'm sticking to the basics.  I've started my protective styling.  My hair is in twists all week.  I don't care if it's cute or if it's dowdy.  My hair is protected and I don't have to fuss with it.  If it grows it grows.  On the weekends, I let it out in a twist out, wild and free because I remember why I went natural in the first place.  I wanted healthy hair with no chemicals, yes.  But I loved the look of big beautiful hair out and free and I feel like I'm really denying myself that if I follow some of these blogs and keep my hair tucked away 24/7 for fear the wind might blow and suck some of the moisture from my delicate ends.  I love to be able to run my hands through it once in awhile and feel the breeze blow through it and look at it and other people like it too.  So on Sundays, I detangle, wash and condition. I have become a proud minimalist. 
So you might find it ironic I have a blog site of my own.  Of course I want you all to visit frequently. But don't take anything I write as Bible.  I'll still post all kinds of information of hair products and practices, but it's just information.  It's good I spent the first year (over)educating myself.  Because I know what's out there and what my options are.  It was a rite of passage of sorts but now I'm done with that.  Because of my obsession, I can confidently choose which (very) few hair practices I will follow and which (very) few products I will stick to and be very basic about my hair care.  Also, I discuss a lot of different things on this blog... my "journey" is not ALL about just hair.  I don't think my life should revolve around my hair and neither should yours.  So naturalistas, go out and live your fabulous life.  Let your hair free once in awhile if you want to.  Don't worry about how many inches your hair is growing each week or if one strand of your hair broke today while you were twisting it.  It's all OK.  Trust me.

Below is Curly Nikki's advice on the very basics of natural haircare and this is basically where I got my inspiration for minimalizing my hair care routine.  Please check it out.  It was very helpful to me.
Link: Click Here

Turning Thirty

I turn 30 in 2 months.  Yes, the big 3-0!  How do I feel about it?  Better than before but still a little daunting .  I mean thirty is still young, but it's not that young.  It was "Youth Sunday" at my church this past Sunday and at the end of the sermon, the speaker asked all the young people to come to the altar and I realized that for the first time, I didn't feel like I fit into that category.  This was a sudden change because usually I would have gone up there without a thought.  But I sat back with my mom and watched all the young'uns approach the altar.  I guess I don't feel like I"m young but I'm also not old.  I'm kind of in between now.
I've grown a lot since my early and mid twenties and I wouldn't go back to that place for anything.  I was just figuring things out then, I was struggling to find my identity, where I fit in.  I was struggling with relationships especially with the opposite sex.
Now, I am more self-assured and confident in who I am, I have figured out a lot with relationships and am now very happily in a stable relationship.  I must admit I'm still a bit neurotic when it comes to certain things, I always have been and I don't expect that to go away just because I've gotten a bit older.  But by and large, I am good. I have perfected the weeding out process and am no longer charmed by good looks and a nice smile alone when it comes to the opposite sex... I know that's only icing on the cake.  I know how to look out for "warning signs" and trust my instincts.  Trusting my instincts is a big deal and has always been a challenge for me.  But even more importantly, I've learned that I'd much rather be alone than in an unhealthy relationship. 
Something else that has changed is that I was always a floater.  Since leaving home at 18, I have been "floating" from place to place and the only place I called home was my mom's house where I grew up, a place I hadn't lived in a long long time.  So essentially I had no home.  I have rectified that.  I have acquired a cozy little apartment that I actually decorated and made my own which is something I'd not done with most of the other places I lived before.  It feels like home and I call it that.  And even if I leave here in the future, I know the importance of cultivating a home wherever I am. 
So all in all, I can see my life taking shape.  A lot has happened in this last year in my twenties that have helped that process.  Going natural is one of those.  I transitioned into my own woman when I did that.  I said, "I'm doing me and I don't care what anyone else thinks" and I've felt like that ever since.  It was a bold move.  I also discovered that I'm OK on my own.  Not that I never felt that before.  I did move away to Atlanta on my own after grad school but somehow that was different.  I didn't really feel like I was OK on my own until recently.  All this was precipitated by my hitting a real low, a crisis of sorts after ending a relationship and leaving Atlanta to move back to Florida.  To say it was a tough transition is an understatement!  I took a trip alone for a week and I think it was on that trip that I learned to how to really be alone.  That trip was  such an amazing experience because of, and not in spite of, the fact that I went alone.  It was life changing for me.  And this started me on a path of self improvement.  Ironically it was just after "learning to be alone" that I met someone truly special who has become an amazing addition to my life.
Trust me, I still have my issues.  We all do. But I"ve learned a lot about managing them and to let go of fear and anxiety.  I have better tools now and embarking on thirty, I feel... OK.  Youth is overrated.  Growth is phenomenal.  At least that's how I feel now. So with that, I am armed and ready to tackle 30!

Natural Hair Feature: Debbie

Why did you decide to go natural and what was the transitioning process like for you?
I was curious about my natural texture and began to wonder why I felt the need to straighten my hair. I didn't transition very long as I'm not the most patient. I transitioned for about 4 months and then BC'ed.

What do you love most about being natural?
I love the fact that I am embracing me as I am naturally and my hair as it grows out of my head. I no longer feel like I am hiding anything about my hair.

What is your regimen and how do you often style your hair?
I try to make use of whatever state my hair is in and just revive the style that may be in at the time because I don't have time to create a new style every day. For example I braid my hair after washing and conditioning and after it dries then I twist. After a few days I will do a twistout and then it will slowly turn into a 'fro which I just moisturize to make it look supple and soft and I will wear this until I shampoo again. I moisturize twice a day with coconut oil or vatika oil sometimes after spritzing with water. To moisturize my 'fro or twistouts I use whatever I have on hand but usually a cream-based moisturizer sealed with an oil. My current creams are Phyto's Quinoa Oil styling cream, Oyin's HoneyDew or Qhemet Biologics Olive and Honey which is awesome to make your 'fro instantly soft and supple-looking.

My wash routine is simple: After detangling and braiding in sections, I wash hair in sections with a black soap shampoo, condition with a natural conditioner, I then moisturize damp hair before re-braiding with castor oil. I twist with any butter or butter mix on hand - shea butter/coconut oil mix or sometimes Oyin's Whipped Pudding.

What advice do you have for other naturals or those considering going natural?
Don't set unrealistic expectations for your hair or yourself and be truthful with yourself about why you are going natural. It is hard work but worth it if that's where you want to go.

What are three words that describe your hair now?
Fluffy, Fluffy and Fluffy...oh and Beautiful

What does being "natural" mean to you?
Leaving things as they are

Where can we find you on the internet?
www.a-curl-can-dream.blogspot.com
 

Twist Updo for Work

I found this awesome twist out updo that looks professional for work and thought I should share.  I still have relatively short hair, so it was kind of difficult for me to find a protective style that is suitable for work and I defintely thought my  hair was too short for an updo.  But here it is!  I'm more than satisfied with it.  It took a lot of strategically placed hairpins but as long as you place the hairpins comfortably so they are not digging into your scalp, you are good. 
I searched on youtube and found this updo tutorial from kinkycurlycoilyme.  Check out the tutorial below.  Of course mine is slightly different as she did large twists and my hair is in my usual medium to small twists, but it still worked. Yay me!



Twist Updo Tutorial

Gotta Love Solange!

Say what you want about Solange Knowles, but this girl has style!!  No following after her older, ridiculously famous sister! She has carved her very own original style and you have to admire that she does what she wants and does not follow the trends.  Whether her afro is real or fake, it looks great on her and while she could get some straight weave that does not in anyway represent afro american hair (a la Ciara, Kelly Rowland to name a few), she chooses to rock a natural do (and I do mean ROCK!).  This is my favorite look.  Everything from the bangle, to the dress (love love love), to her makeup (not overdone) is on point.  I have to hand it to the girl ... no one can ever accuse her of walking in her sister's shadow ... oh btw, I believe she has a new song out that is just as original as her style

Listen here:
Solange Knowles - Favors

Cigarettes Cool Again?

Rihanna filming her new music video

When I was a sophomore in college, I lived an apartment with a Russian model for a roommate.  OK, she was more like an aspiring model.  She was Kate Moss-skinny but had a certain sex appeal that men quickly surrendered to.  There was also something cool and glamorous about her.  It was something about her Russian accent and the way she would stand outside on our balcony leaning against the railing with a cigarette in her hand and the smoke along with her hair blowing in the wind.  She looked like something from a movie.  I had not known many smokers but from the ones I saw, I didn't get why it was once and still was at the time considered cool.  But she definitely looked not just cool, but glamorous and sexy doing it.  It made me want to try smoking one too ... until I remembered a certain reality.  Smoking can kill you.  There are so many ugly ways to suffer and die for such an absurd habit.  And there are so many other ways to look glamorous and cool that don't include addiction and chronic illness later in life.  I wondered why she had started smoking to begin with.  Maybe she herself had seen someone who just looked so damn cool doing it.  Maybe it was a parent, maybe a friend.  But here she was, young and gorgeous and addicted to cigarettes.
I have never been the type to throw caution the wind.  If there was any undesirable consequence of doing something, I was convinced I would suffer it.  Even if it was a 1% chance, I was convinced I would be in that 1%.  Maybe I'm a pessimist or I don't believe I have an luck at all.  Or maybe it's because I am a (self-diagnosed) borderline hypochondriac.  Whatever the reason, I have never so much as held a lit cigarette.
Now, I don't know if I'm the only person who's noticed but there is a disturbing new trend of cigarette smoking making a comeback in the media and being portrayed as cool, trendy or glamorous again.  Back in the day when smoking was portrayed on TV and magazines as cool, the hazards of smoking were largely unknown, or at least had not yet been pounded into our consciousness.  There were ads all over TV and in magazines up until well into the 90's when the government got involved.  I think there is still the occasional magazine ad with the usual Surgeon General warning but I can't tell the last time I saw an ad on TV.
I don't need to tell you all the hazards of smoking.  You already know.  We all know.  As a healthcare professional, I'm honestly alarmed to see the trend creeping its way back in.  Women who are unfortunately role models for children all over the world, not just in the US, are posing in ads looking cool, sexy and glamorous with a cigarette as an accessory.  The same cigarettes that are extremely addictive and extremely toxic. And most people are not  like me.  The cool-factor will often trump the obvious hazards.  It's just an ad, yes, but to a child, preteen or teenager, those ads are like the Bible.  That is to say, whatever Rihanna does, is cool.  They do not have the cognitive capacity to realize that they are not invincible to the hazards of smoking.  All they know is that it's cool because so and so is doing it.
I understand that being a role model to children is pretty much gone out the window to celebrities like Rihanna who have openly denounced setting an example for their peers and juniors.  I understand they just want to live their lives.  And if they choose to smoke themselves, that's fine.  And if they're caught by the paparazzi taking a drag, so be it.  But to do a photoshoot that deliberately shows you smoking a cigarette and making it look as cool as you possibly can, that's just beyond irresponsible!
I was most appalled by the picture below with Kate Moss smoking a cig on the runway.  Sure, children do not go to these fashion shows, but the photos wind up in fashion magazines and of course whatever is on the runway is automatically trendy, cool and glamorous.  I can only pray for the impressionable children and teens who will wind up with an addiction they can't control and suffer the consequences later in life.  I guess at the end of the day, it's up to you to know good from bad and the parents to do the best they can. 

Kate Moss's "smokin'" runway walk