Women and their Looks

I've been thinking a lot lately about how judgmental men can be about women's appearances.  This all stemmed from several conversations I've had with men that led me to realize that men can be very harsh when judging a woman's appearance.  I was told by more than one guy that they can tell when a women is over the age of thirty.  There are changes and they are usually minute, but a man has a very critical eye and can usually find these changes instantly.  They know the tricks women use to conceal flaws and they are looked down on for the flaws themselves as well as for their attempts to conceal them.  Men criticize women for aging then also berate them for the desperate measures they take to reverse age.  I had a conversation with a male patient of mine about how horrible some women look after they have cosmetic procedures done to their faces and how sad it is that they go to such desperate measures to attain "perfection".  But then maybe not the same men, but many men berate women for not being that perfection.  How can you win really? 
My theory is this:  if you spend your life trying to please someone other than yourself, you will turn into a fool.  You will always be too thin for one person and too fat for another, too tall for one and too short for another and so it goes.  There is no perfect way to be that will be pleasing to everyone.  Someone will always not like it.  Take my hair for example, considering that this is a blog mostly about natural hair.  People love it or hate it.  I've been told by friends and strangers that they love my natural hair and that they prefer my hair so much more natural than when it was chemically straightened.  But I've also had a handful of people say they don't care for it, and even my boss recently give her unsolicited opinion telling me she prefers my hair straight, implying she doesn't like it the way it is.  And I could care.  But thankfully I don't.  I could feel self conscious and wonder if I made a mistake in going natural.  But of course, I can't please everyone, so I might as well just please myself.  That's how I see it.
I think the important thing is to surround you with people who like you the way you like yourself and the way you ARE.  Relationships are complicated and people can be superficial.  I was telling my boyfriend my theory on physical attraction and relationships and it goes a little something like this:  On initially meeting someone, physical attraction is anywhere from 80-100% of your overall attraction to the person.  It's looks that makes a guy approach you, let's face it.  As the relationship progresses over time, that ratio changes.  Maybe it's 50% physical attraction and 50% the bond and closeness you have developed as couple.  After another ten years, it may be 25% physical attraction and 75% the bond you have, the family you've made together, the experiences you've shared.  The overall attraction can remain at 100%, you still love this person and want to be with them and you still dote on them but the ratios change.  And this isn't necessarily because the woman has become less attractive over time but because of habituation.  Something is not going to be as appealing to you the 1000th time you see it as it was the first time.  That's just how it goes, even if it looks exactly the same, it still will not be as appealing.  Understanding that is key.  People who go into a marriage/long term relationship expecting anything more, are in for a great disappointment that can lead to divorce. 
That said, I want to grow old with somebody who loves me unconditionally and understands that physical attraction is a superficial component of a very complicated equation.  That bears repeating because that is the whole take home concept of this post, all of which is only my opinion by the way.  Physical attraction is only a superficial component of a very complicated equation.  So it's OK that men sit around and talk about women and their bodies and who is better looking and who isn't aging well, etc.  But I do think MOST men understand that it's just a fun conversation and what they have with their spouse of twenty years who is not necessarily hot and "turning heads" is not worth even considering giving up for the young hottie at the gym (who will also eventually age and stop turning heads btw).  It's the cycle of life. So choose wisely, Naturalistas.  The man you choose to spend the rest of your life with can be the difference between chronic low self esteem and countless futile efforts to attain the Holy Grail of perfection versus aging gracefully, taking care of yourself and feeling happy, loved and appreciated.