Turning Thirty

I turn 30 in 2 months.  Yes, the big 3-0!  How do I feel about it?  Better than before but still a little daunting .  I mean thirty is still young, but it's not that young.  It was "Youth Sunday" at my church this past Sunday and at the end of the sermon, the speaker asked all the young people to come to the altar and I realized that for the first time, I didn't feel like I fit into that category.  This was a sudden change because usually I would have gone up there without a thought.  But I sat back with my mom and watched all the young'uns approach the altar.  I guess I don't feel like I"m young but I'm also not old.  I'm kind of in between now.
I've grown a lot since my early and mid twenties and I wouldn't go back to that place for anything.  I was just figuring things out then, I was struggling to find my identity, where I fit in.  I was struggling with relationships especially with the opposite sex.
Now, I am more self-assured and confident in who I am, I have figured out a lot with relationships and am now very happily in a stable relationship.  I must admit I'm still a bit neurotic when it comes to certain things, I always have been and I don't expect that to go away just because I've gotten a bit older.  But by and large, I am good. I have perfected the weeding out process and am no longer charmed by good looks and a nice smile alone when it comes to the opposite sex... I know that's only icing on the cake.  I know how to look out for "warning signs" and trust my instincts.  Trusting my instincts is a big deal and has always been a challenge for me.  But even more importantly, I've learned that I'd much rather be alone than in an unhealthy relationship. 
Something else that has changed is that I was always a floater.  Since leaving home at 18, I have been "floating" from place to place and the only place I called home was my mom's house where I grew up, a place I hadn't lived in a long long time.  So essentially I had no home.  I have rectified that.  I have acquired a cozy little apartment that I actually decorated and made my own which is something I'd not done with most of the other places I lived before.  It feels like home and I call it that.  And even if I leave here in the future, I know the importance of cultivating a home wherever I am. 
So all in all, I can see my life taking shape.  A lot has happened in this last year in my twenties that have helped that process.  Going natural is one of those.  I transitioned into my own woman when I did that.  I said, "I'm doing me and I don't care what anyone else thinks" and I've felt like that ever since.  It was a bold move.  I also discovered that I'm OK on my own.  Not that I never felt that before.  I did move away to Atlanta on my own after grad school but somehow that was different.  I didn't really feel like I was OK on my own until recently.  All this was precipitated by my hitting a real low, a crisis of sorts after ending a relationship and leaving Atlanta to move back to Florida.  To say it was a tough transition is an understatement!  I took a trip alone for a week and I think it was on that trip that I learned to how to really be alone.  That trip was  such an amazing experience because of, and not in spite of, the fact that I went alone.  It was life changing for me.  And this started me on a path of self improvement.  Ironically it was just after "learning to be alone" that I met someone truly special who has become an amazing addition to my life.
Trust me, I still have my issues.  We all do. But I"ve learned a lot about managing them and to let go of fear and anxiety.  I have better tools now and embarking on thirty, I feel... OK.  Youth is overrated.  Growth is phenomenal.  At least that's how I feel now. So with that, I am armed and ready to tackle 30!