Reflections on Love

There is something beautiful about being loved for just what you are.  Maybe you have mood swings, you're irritable sometimes, you're not pretty some mornings, you have stubble on your legs because you hate shaving and don't do it often, you have bad hair days, you can be intentionally hurtful, you're often messy, you grow hair in places where you shouldn't (I won't tell anyone), and your breath isn't the freshest first thing in the morning.   (No?  Just me?  OK)
But when you find someone who makes you feel just as beautiful and precious at these times as when you are glowing, made up, perfumed, in a great mood, smiling, laughing, and agreeable, that is worth holding on to.  When you never feel the need to cower and hide because the person you are with loves ALL of you and you have to sit and wonder at times where he finds the patience.  When you find a person who forgives you when you are unkind and if he does not hesitate to come right back into your open arms when you're sorry then you have found "it" and hold  on tight.  Don't ever be afraid to say you're sorry or to go way out of your way with ridiculous romantic gestures just to show that person that you appreciate it all.  The ride is bumpy but so worth it!
And if you haven't found "it", hold out for that someone... you'll be glad you did.

Setting Goals

Everyone goes through rough times.  At least that's what I'm telling myself right now.  During these rough patches is always a good time to re-evaluate your goals.  For me and probably many others, the problem is having lost sight of what those are.  They are there in the back of my head in some abstract form but I need to put them in writing and actively work toward them.  So because of this rough patch, I've decided that goal-writing is a fitting exercise to get me over this hill and back into a beautiful grassy valley of easy living.  Since everyone goes through rough times, I thought I would share this exercise with you guys in case you too are going through a rough patch.
The first thing you need to do in rough times is put things in perspective.  It's easy for a mole hill to feel like a mountain.  Remember that there is true suffering the world.  Homelessness, life threatening illnesses, different kinds of physical and emotional trauma and abuse and much worse.  In the grand scheme of things, are your problems generally somewhat manageable either now or in the near future?  If so, give thanks your problems are relatively small and surmountable and move forward from there.
Next, evaluate your situation.  Make a list of what is wrong in your life... the things that are really bothering you.  Then, evaluate how you got to this place.  How did you end up in the job you hate?  Or in the relationship that is toxic?  Try not to blame others or outside forces and think of what you may have done, if anything, to contribute to your present situation.  Make a list.  It's good to know where you may have made a wrong turn so you don't repeat the same mistakes.
Now make long term goals.  This may seem backwards and you may be thinking it makes sense to tackle the  short term goals first and you are right.  But as far as writing down the goals, where you hope to be in ten years will help you decide where you need to be in five years in order to be on track for that ten year goal.  Got it?  Looking at the big picture first then narrowing it down to the smaller picture is usually easier.  Your long term goals don't have to be for ten years.  Some people can't see that far ahead and that's OK.  It can before as little as two years.  For example, say your long term goal is you plan to be married in 4 years.  Then a logical short term goals is to be in a relationship in two years.  Make realistic but ambitious goals.  Only you know what you're truly capable of.  If confidence is a problem, think of the things you have accomplished so far and, if necessary, and make a list of those too.
Once you have made your goals take a good long look at your short term goals (don't worry about the long term goals yet, they will take care of themselves as you work on the short term ones).  For each goal, write down at least a few strategies you can utilize NOW to contribute toward meeting each goal.  Again, be realistic.  And voila, you have an action plan.  (You may come to feel better about your current situation as you start to see how it can be a stepping to stone to get to where you really want to be).
As you get ideas for strategies, write them down and tackle them right away.  Forgive yourself if you fall off track now and again as long as you get back on.  Revisit your goals on a regular basis (weekly, bi-weekly, monthly, whatever works for you).  Keep a journal of your accomplishments and of the times you fell off track or got frustrated.  Nothing happens overnight so be patient.  Don't be afraid to revise your goals.  You may decide down the line a goal is unrealistic or not what you really want.  Or maybe you come to find that one of your goals is beneath you and you need to set your sights higher.  Think long and hard though before you change or abandon a goal.  Changing your goals often is counterproductive to accomplishing them.
So, I"m about to go take my own advice and set some goals and I'll let you guys know how it goes.  Good luck!

THE CUTENESS!!

OK, so this was just too CUTE not to post about.  I live in an apartment complex and just next door to me moved in an entire family of latinos/latinas.  There are what looks like twin girls about 4 years old and as percocious as ever!  I'm always out walking my dog and they always stop me and want to pet my dog and often see me from their patio as I"m walking by and yell hi.
Anyway, today, I had just woken from a nap (yep, I slept on my twist-out turned afro).  I woke up realized I was in a time crunch, fluffed my hair out a bit and took my little doggie out for potty-time and I see one of the little girls out on the balcony with who I believe to be her mom.  And this is the dialogue

The pic I promised of my hair on Day two:

Little girl to me:  HIII!!!
Me: Hey
Little Girl:  I LIKE YOUR HAIR!
Me: Thanks
Little girl to her mom: I love afros
[... wait a minute.  Did I hear right? I thought that's what she said but wasn't sure.]
[Little Girl's Mom says something I cannot hear]
Little girl repeating to her mom: I mean I loooo-ooove Afros!!

The cuteness!!  It made me laugh, because I heard it loud and clear the second time even though she was talking to her mom and not me.  And I was wondering, "What does this little girl know about afro's anyway?"  But clearly she's seen enough to know she likes them.  She has low back length long silky hair by the way so she doesn't have afro-American hair herself.  I hope that if I am blessed one day with a little girl, that she will feel the same way about my hair and her own whatever texture it may be and be immune to any negativity that may come her way re: her hair. 
Well that was the little highlight of my day and I had to share.

Twist and Curl (2)

I redid my twist and curl but it came out with a little more twist than curl.  I used the same technique I used last time.  I curled my 1 week old twists around curling rods and used aluminum foil to supplement (see my original Twist and Curl post).  I used Shea Moisture Curl Enhancing Smoothie to re-moisturize my twists and sealed with castor oil.  Oh yeah, I also trimmed my ends while in twists about 2 days prior.  More on that later.  Above is the result.  I'm still experimenting with this style to find the perfect outcome.  This time, I have not unraveled my twists further than untwisting them to see if I could get the look to last longer/less frizz.  I also used coconut oil on my fingers while undoing the twists. Then I loosely tied them down for a few minutes so there is less volume than last time. However, my hair is soft and moisturized and looks nice and shiny.I will unravel the twist outs more to create more volume in a day or so and I will post those pictures then.
Hope you guys like, I will keep working on this one :)

Above is a video I did about undoing twists.  Sounds simple enough right?  Well, like I mentioned in the video, I was having some issues with my hair snapping, tangling and snagging while I was undoing my twists, probably because I was impatient.  So peep my (very brief) tutorial below about how to undo twists with minimal damage and minimal frizz.

Michelle Obama with Natural Hair (Well...Kinda)

I found this picture floating around on Facebook.  It is Photoshopped to make her look like that's her hair of course, but how fierce does this look?  Hell, I'm trying to figure out how to get my hair to one day look like that... gorgeous!  Maybe Mrs. Obama will get a glimpse of this and decide to go natural.  That would be pure awesomeness!

Work Hair

Me in my scrubs after a long day at work

So I have been pretty faithful to my twist updo's especially for work.  I hardly ever unleash my crazy hair for work but Monday I did.  This might become a once every other week thing for me since Tuesdays are my hair wash days and usually I take my twists out on Fridays.  Which leaves Mondays when I'm really stumped as to what to do with my hair for work.  So I just said "f&%$ it" and here it is. I actually felt more free for that one day.  Tues. I was back to my twist updo.... no harm done.

Twist n' Curl

My partner in crime admiring my 'do

I tried a new hairstyle this weekend.  Well, not really new but a variation on my usual twist out.  I did a twist and curl using rods.  I wore my small twists for 2 whole weeks!  Yes they were a little frizzy toward the end and I was afraid my twist out this weekend wouldn't look good but lo and behold.  My sister loaned me some rods which I decided to use for a twist and curl.  So the night before I undid my twists, I re-moisturized with Shea Moisture Curl Enhancing Smoothie and I curled my twists up to about 2/3 of the length (I wanted a little bit of hang-time and not just a curly fro).  I did about 3 twists per rod mostly because I didn't have enough for my head.  Even then I didn't have enough so being the resourceful person I am, I decided to use aluminum foil which worked just as well as the rods. I used the foil like you would a flexirod: form a rod shape with it and wrap the hair around it and then just bend both ends to secure... easy.

rods for twist and curl

Rods made from aluminum foil (worked just as well as the rods above)

 The look I got is below.  I liked this variation from my usual twist out because sometimes with my twist out after I've worn the twists for awhile, the ends look stringy and curling the ends help with that.  One drawback is that my hair is so curled that it appears quite a bit shorter than it is with my usual twist out.  It has more volume but less hang and that just comes with the style.

A Man's Perspective

Lately I've been thinking more and more about black men and how they feel about natural hair.  I went above and beyond and emailed a few questions (four to be exact) to some of my black male friends to see their thoughts.  The consensus seems to be that it doesn't matter as long as she takes care of herself and looks good.  I think they are starting to get more and more used to the idea.  Below is one of my friends answers to the questions.  Just for some demographics, he is a thirty year old professional who is currently dating but not currently in a serious relationship.

Does a woman’s hair play a large role in whether or not you find her 
attractive? Not a large role. Having a fly hairdo is nice but it's 
just one of many things that factor into whether or not I find someone 
attractive.

What kind of hair do you find most attractive if any? I love medium 
length, curly hair.

How do you feel about weaves and wigs that are worn almost exclusively 
in place of a woman‘s “real“ hair? Weaves can be beautiful in 
moderation but I hate wigs. And after a while of continuous use I'd 
start to wonder about why she always feels the need to "enhance" or 
cover up her real hair.

Do you know many black women who wear their natural textured hair and 
how do you feel about their decision to do so?  I know some black women who are exclusively natural but I don't hold them in higher regard than I would a sista with a relaxer. I'm indifferent. Not every type 
of hair style is for every woman. As long as it looks good and she's comfortable/happy then I'm all for it.


So there you have it, naturalistas.  The man just doesn't really care.  He goes on to say he doesn't hold women who are natural in higher regard but I think that is because some men don't understand how much pressure there is on women from society to look a certain way and how hard it is to go against the grain. I can't tell you the countless women who have approached me since I've been natural and told me they want to go natural too but a) they're too scared or b) so and so is discouraging them or c)  they don't have the right kind of hair/face shape/nose, skin color/earwax, what have you.  I add the earwax part just to show how ridiculous and absurd it is. But you get my drift.  Anyway, I'm off my soapbox :)

Ciao, Bellas!!

Fashion on a Dime 2

Inspired by the program I saw about thrift shopping which I blogged about recently, I decided with my mom and Sis to visit the thrift store.  Well truly we were tired of sitting around and we were all a little low on funds so the thrift store seemed like a fitting place to go.  My mom took us to a great Salvation Army, even better than the one close to me which I went on about on another blog post.  They had some great home decorative items ... like really fancy stuff that you would see on one of those home design programs on TV.  The prices were of course heavily discounted but because of the quality of merchandise, some of the prices were higher than what you would consider thrift store prices.
Anyway, enough about.  I went off on my own to no other than the dress section (I LOVE dresses) and instantly a cute little dress caught my eye.  You see, the reason why discount shopping is hard for me is because I have no attention to detail and no patience to comb aisles looking and searching and if I don't have a vision for a piece of clothing right away, I have a hard time deciding whether to buy it.  I don't have that creative eye that shows me all the different ways I could make a frumpy piece of clothing fabulous.  It has to be fabulous from the start.  Well this dress grabbed me and I wasn't sure why.  It was floral and kind of a dowdy floral but somehow I was OK with this.  I tried to put it back because it's not a traditionally "pretty dress" and I couldn't figure out why I liked it but somehow I couldn't leave it, I took it to the fitting room and tried it on.  Now another challenge with thrift store shopping is size!  I am a small woman (I wear a size 1 or 2 or x-small to small).  It's hard finding these sizes in thrift stores, usually the sizes are medium and large.  This dress of course was a medium.  But I made it work because it had a tie in the back that cinched the waist and made it fit even though it was a smidge on the big side.
I liked it on me.  Something about it looked classy yet cute.  $8.99... I held on to it.  Then I discovered that there is a Junior section.  Just like the dress a jacket grabbed my eye right off the bat, no searching or combing aisles.  It was a military style jacket in my favorite colors, blue and red.  What luck!  It is cotton so the blue was a little washed out as my sister pointed out but it wasn't too bad, I still loved it.  I have a black military style jacket that is more of my dress-up and go out jacket, this one was more casual and the colors to die for.  Plus gold buttons!  Can't go wrong.  And with that I ended my foray into the aisles.  I had exceeded my budget believe it or not and didn't want to get greedy. 
Now none of us had gone in with the intention of purchasing anything but I left with my two items, my sis with a pair of fabulous shoes and my mom with an entertainment stand (yes a huge one that she would have to have delivered).  Not bad for less than an hour in Salvation Army!
My finds are pictured below.

Oh and coincidentally I had plans to go see a musical and had forgotten my dress and jacket at my apartment about an hour away and so had nothing to wear.... EXCEPT my thrift store dress and jacket came in handy!  I also got a stamp of approval from the bf.  He loved my outfit (blush)
Well fashionistas, I think I'm hooked with this thrifting thing... I'll  definitely be frequenting my local thrift store and in the meantime there are always stores like Forever 21 and H&M where you can get your fashion on for less.  Stay fabulous, Queens!

No Hair, Don't Care

Me and my lil sis

Thinking back on my days rocking  a cropped 'do right after my BC (after only three months of transition) and my TWA days, it seems like such a distant memory although it wasn't too long ago.  I remember it fondly.  I remember feeling TRULY natural... like naked natural.  Not hiding behind anything... I felt fearless and other people could look at me and instantly see that fearlessness.  Sometimes under the surface, I was confident and indeed fearless, other times I was not.  It all depended on my mood and how my hair was looking that day. 
I remember having to go to job interviews and of course having to wear a suit.  I had to go out and buy a suit just because of my hair because the only suit I owned was a pantsuit and a pantsuit with cropped hair?  No bueno.  Plus I couldn't wear my usual big hoop or dangly earrings that assured everyone I was indeed a woman.  I had to go with my little studs and minimal makeup.  There was no way I could wear a pantsuit... so I had to invest in a skirt suit.  To this day whenever I see that skirt suit I remember going to interviews with my TWA and not feeling totally confident.  On one or two occasions it may have cost me the job (my confidence level, not my  hair).
But still I remember those times fondly.  The picture above especially is my favorite.  I feel beautiful in the picture in the most basic, natural way possible.  Not because of makeup or a hairdo or an outfit, but just because I am intrinsically beautiful.  We all are!  And somehow in that moment, I knew that.
So for my fellow naturalistas who are waiting for their hair to grow out.  Stop waiting and bask in these moments.  You will think back on them and remember them fondly if you're not in too much of a hurry for your hair to get big and bouncy.  It'll get there, worry not.  But be who you are NOW... a fearless, natural beauty out from behind the curtains.

Fashion on a Dime

Hello my fashionista naturalistas

I have to admit I am no fashion guru.  Sometimes I see a woman wearing a certain outfit and I wish I had the fashion sense to put together something like she did and the balls to pull it off.  This is how I felt today as I watched an episode of the Nate Berkus Show, which happened to be an episode on thrift shopping.  They had these amazing thrift store outfits side by side with identical $1,000+ designer outfits and you couldn't tell which was which.  The thrift store outfits cost $20-$30!! 
Then they brought out Patrice Williams, a fellow naturalista who has a thrift fashion blog called  Looking Fly on a Dime.  I looked at her website and felt suddenly inspired by all the beautiful vintage clothes she wore so stylishly that she spent little to nothing for.  Check her out and see if you feel inspired!