Natural Hair Feature: Sonya

Why did you go natural and what was the process like for you?
I decided to go natural because I was inspired by my older sisters’ decision to go natural. I started visiting natural hair blogs until I found myself anxious to discover my own natural hair type.

What do you love most about being natural?
I love the fact that it’s just being real with yourself. It’s saying “I am aware and proud of who I am and where I come from, and I’m not ashamed of it.”

What is your regimen and how do you often style your hair?
My regimen thus far is washing every two weeks now. I use a highly diluted vinegar mix to wash and I use Suave Naturals conditioner.  I use Shea Moisture Curl Enhancing Smoothie for moisture.  I love that stuff! I use Olive Oil to seal. I deep condition every other week with a homemade banana deep treatment.  It consists of real bananas, conditioner, and olive oil.

What advice do you have for other naturals or those considering going natural?
Just embrace what God has given you. Remember that it’s just hair so don’t go crazy and over the top with your regimen and trying to do the most with it. That will probably do more bad than good. Your natural hair journey will be a lot more enjoyable if you take that advice.   

What does being "natural" mean to you?
Being natural is wearing your hair unaltered without chemical straightening.

Where can we find you on the internet?
I have a blog… You can find me at www.ladiescrown.com.  

Women and their Looks

I've been thinking a lot lately about how judgmental men can be about women's appearances.  This all stemmed from several conversations I've had with men that led me to realize that men can be very harsh when judging a woman's appearance.  I was told by more than one guy that they can tell when a women is over the age of thirty.  There are changes and they are usually minute, but a man has a very critical eye and can usually find these changes instantly.  They know the tricks women use to conceal flaws and they are looked down on for the flaws themselves as well as for their attempts to conceal them.  Men criticize women for aging then also berate them for the desperate measures they take to reverse age.  I had a conversation with a male patient of mine about how horrible some women look after they have cosmetic procedures done to their faces and how sad it is that they go to such desperate measures to attain "perfection".  But then maybe not the same men, but many men berate women for not being that perfection.  How can you win really? 
My theory is this:  if you spend your life trying to please someone other than yourself, you will turn into a fool.  You will always be too thin for one person and too fat for another, too tall for one and too short for another and so it goes.  There is no perfect way to be that will be pleasing to everyone.  Someone will always not like it.  Take my hair for example, considering that this is a blog mostly about natural hair.  People love it or hate it.  I've been told by friends and strangers that they love my natural hair and that they prefer my hair so much more natural than when it was chemically straightened.  But I've also had a handful of people say they don't care for it, and even my boss recently give her unsolicited opinion telling me she prefers my hair straight, implying she doesn't like it the way it is.  And I could care.  But thankfully I don't.  I could feel self conscious and wonder if I made a mistake in going natural.  But of course, I can't please everyone, so I might as well just please myself.  That's how I see it.
I think the important thing is to surround you with people who like you the way you like yourself and the way you ARE.  Relationships are complicated and people can be superficial.  I was telling my boyfriend my theory on physical attraction and relationships and it goes a little something like this:  On initially meeting someone, physical attraction is anywhere from 80-100% of your overall attraction to the person.  It's looks that makes a guy approach you, let's face it.  As the relationship progresses over time, that ratio changes.  Maybe it's 50% physical attraction and 50% the bond and closeness you have developed as couple.  After another ten years, it may be 25% physical attraction and 75% the bond you have, the family you've made together, the experiences you've shared.  The overall attraction can remain at 100%, you still love this person and want to be with them and you still dote on them but the ratios change.  And this isn't necessarily because the woman has become less attractive over time but because of habituation.  Something is not going to be as appealing to you the 1000th time you see it as it was the first time.  That's just how it goes, even if it looks exactly the same, it still will not be as appealing.  Understanding that is key.  People who go into a marriage/long term relationship expecting anything more, are in for a great disappointment that can lead to divorce. 
That said, I want to grow old with somebody who loves me unconditionally and understands that physical attraction is a superficial component of a very complicated equation.  That bears repeating because that is the whole take home concept of this post, all of which is only my opinion by the way.  Physical attraction is only a superficial component of a very complicated equation.  So it's OK that men sit around and talk about women and their bodies and who is better looking and who isn't aging well, etc.  But I do think MOST men understand that it's just a fun conversation and what they have with their spouse of twenty years who is not necessarily hot and "turning heads" is not worth even considering giving up for the young hottie at the gym (who will also eventually age and stop turning heads btw).  It's the cycle of life. So choose wisely, Naturalistas.  The man you choose to spend the rest of your life with can be the difference between chronic low self esteem and countless futile efforts to attain the Holy Grail of perfection versus aging gracefully, taking care of yourself and feeling happy, loved and appreciated.

How I Became a Minimalist

I've been natural for a year and a half now and have been obsessed with natural hair blogs and Youtube channels for about as long if not longer.  I have finally reached a point of over-saturation!  My obsession has built and built and built until it hit the ceiling and what a wake up call!  I now see the value in simplicity.  There are certain blogs I would visit compulsively, we're talking several times a day, hours spent reading and looking at other people's hair wondering why my hair isn't growing as fast or isn't as beautiful and feeling discouraged.  Then the next minute reading something that made me feel inspired.  I was on an emotional rollercoaster of sorts when it came to my hair.  I would take mental notes and collect ideas of what products and techniques I might need to try.  Recently I was reading about Argan oil and all its benefits.  And I contemplated getting some Argan oil but then I realized, I had read the same thing about coconut oil, and castor oil and olive oil  and jojoba oil, all of which I have in my now cluttered bathroom cabinet and truth is none of them have worked any miracles for me.  They have done their job: sealed in moisture, added shine, etc.  But no miracles and I doubt Argan oil or any other product for that matter will work any miracles.  I just became really frustrated.  I started to think maybe I'm "doing the most" as they say. 
Then I read hair feature after hair feature about how being natural has changed someone's perspective in life.   Every natural featured was some variation of all the others I read.  And I realize, being natural has not turned me into an overnight vegan.  I love my hair but my self-confidence isn't suddenly through the roof.  I'm still human and I'm still me.
Maybe these blogs are made to make me feel like someone's hair is growing faster than mine, or someone had some amazing life-changing turn-around since going natural that I haven't experienced.  I think it's all a big exaggeration.  At least that's what my sister suggested when I told her how frustrated I was getting.
If I were to do all the things recommended on these blogs that I frequent, I would spend all my time couped up in my house mixing conditioners and steaming, baggying, trimming, doing protein treatments and henna treatments and twisting, braiding ... and truth is, I don't think it would make a huge difference.  I work during the week so I can't spend all that time but I have spent entire weekends on my hair, barely seeing the light of day.  And then I think, how absurd!
Now, I have deliberately limited myself visiting blog sites only once per week (not just natural hair blogs but blogs in general) and taking everything I read with a grain of salt.  I browse over a post that interests me then move on.  Five minutes max!.  I had to limit myself because I was going overboard. 
As for my regimen, I have simplified it exponentially.  I'm sticking to the basics.  I've started my protective styling.  My hair is in twists all week.  I don't care if it's cute or if it's dowdy.  My hair is protected and I don't have to fuss with it.  If it grows it grows.  On the weekends, I let it out in a twist out, wild and free because I remember why I went natural in the first place.  I wanted healthy hair with no chemicals, yes.  But I loved the look of big beautiful hair out and free and I feel like I'm really denying myself that if I follow some of these blogs and keep my hair tucked away 24/7 for fear the wind might blow and suck some of the moisture from my delicate ends.  I love to be able to run my hands through it once in awhile and feel the breeze blow through it and look at it and other people like it too.  So on Sundays, I detangle, wash and condition. I have become a proud minimalist. 
So you might find it ironic I have a blog site of my own.  Of course I want you all to visit frequently. But don't take anything I write as Bible.  I'll still post all kinds of information of hair products and practices, but it's just information.  It's good I spent the first year (over)educating myself.  Because I know what's out there and what my options are.  It was a rite of passage of sorts but now I'm done with that.  Because of my obsession, I can confidently choose which (very) few hair practices I will follow and which (very) few products I will stick to and be very basic about my hair care.  Also, I discuss a lot of different things on this blog... my "journey" is not ALL about just hair.  I don't think my life should revolve around my hair and neither should yours.  So naturalistas, go out and live your fabulous life.  Let your hair free once in awhile if you want to.  Don't worry about how many inches your hair is growing each week or if one strand of your hair broke today while you were twisting it.  It's all OK.  Trust me.

Below is Curly Nikki's advice on the very basics of natural haircare and this is basically where I got my inspiration for minimalizing my hair care routine.  Please check it out.  It was very helpful to me.
Link: Click Here

Turning Thirty

I turn 30 in 2 months.  Yes, the big 3-0!  How do I feel about it?  Better than before but still a little daunting .  I mean thirty is still young, but it's not that young.  It was "Youth Sunday" at my church this past Sunday and at the end of the sermon, the speaker asked all the young people to come to the altar and I realized that for the first time, I didn't feel like I fit into that category.  This was a sudden change because usually I would have gone up there without a thought.  But I sat back with my mom and watched all the young'uns approach the altar.  I guess I don't feel like I"m young but I'm also not old.  I'm kind of in between now.
I've grown a lot since my early and mid twenties and I wouldn't go back to that place for anything.  I was just figuring things out then, I was struggling to find my identity, where I fit in.  I was struggling with relationships especially with the opposite sex.
Now, I am more self-assured and confident in who I am, I have figured out a lot with relationships and am now very happily in a stable relationship.  I must admit I'm still a bit neurotic when it comes to certain things, I always have been and I don't expect that to go away just because I've gotten a bit older.  But by and large, I am good. I have perfected the weeding out process and am no longer charmed by good looks and a nice smile alone when it comes to the opposite sex... I know that's only icing on the cake.  I know how to look out for "warning signs" and trust my instincts.  Trusting my instincts is a big deal and has always been a challenge for me.  But even more importantly, I've learned that I'd much rather be alone than in an unhealthy relationship. 
Something else that has changed is that I was always a floater.  Since leaving home at 18, I have been "floating" from place to place and the only place I called home was my mom's house where I grew up, a place I hadn't lived in a long long time.  So essentially I had no home.  I have rectified that.  I have acquired a cozy little apartment that I actually decorated and made my own which is something I'd not done with most of the other places I lived before.  It feels like home and I call it that.  And even if I leave here in the future, I know the importance of cultivating a home wherever I am. 
So all in all, I can see my life taking shape.  A lot has happened in this last year in my twenties that have helped that process.  Going natural is one of those.  I transitioned into my own woman when I did that.  I said, "I'm doing me and I don't care what anyone else thinks" and I've felt like that ever since.  It was a bold move.  I also discovered that I'm OK on my own.  Not that I never felt that before.  I did move away to Atlanta on my own after grad school but somehow that was different.  I didn't really feel like I was OK on my own until recently.  All this was precipitated by my hitting a real low, a crisis of sorts after ending a relationship and leaving Atlanta to move back to Florida.  To say it was a tough transition is an understatement!  I took a trip alone for a week and I think it was on that trip that I learned to how to really be alone.  That trip was  such an amazing experience because of, and not in spite of, the fact that I went alone.  It was life changing for me.  And this started me on a path of self improvement.  Ironically it was just after "learning to be alone" that I met someone truly special who has become an amazing addition to my life.
Trust me, I still have my issues.  We all do. But I"ve learned a lot about managing them and to let go of fear and anxiety.  I have better tools now and embarking on thirty, I feel... OK.  Youth is overrated.  Growth is phenomenal.  At least that's how I feel now. So with that, I am armed and ready to tackle 30!

Natural Hair Feature: Debbie

Why did you decide to go natural and what was the transitioning process like for you?
I was curious about my natural texture and began to wonder why I felt the need to straighten my hair. I didn't transition very long as I'm not the most patient. I transitioned for about 4 months and then BC'ed.

What do you love most about being natural?
I love the fact that I am embracing me as I am naturally and my hair as it grows out of my head. I no longer feel like I am hiding anything about my hair.

What is your regimen and how do you often style your hair?
I try to make use of whatever state my hair is in and just revive the style that may be in at the time because I don't have time to create a new style every day. For example I braid my hair after washing and conditioning and after it dries then I twist. After a few days I will do a twistout and then it will slowly turn into a 'fro which I just moisturize to make it look supple and soft and I will wear this until I shampoo again. I moisturize twice a day with coconut oil or vatika oil sometimes after spritzing with water. To moisturize my 'fro or twistouts I use whatever I have on hand but usually a cream-based moisturizer sealed with an oil. My current creams are Phyto's Quinoa Oil styling cream, Oyin's HoneyDew or Qhemet Biologics Olive and Honey which is awesome to make your 'fro instantly soft and supple-looking.

My wash routine is simple: After detangling and braiding in sections, I wash hair in sections with a black soap shampoo, condition with a natural conditioner, I then moisturize damp hair before re-braiding with castor oil. I twist with any butter or butter mix on hand - shea butter/coconut oil mix or sometimes Oyin's Whipped Pudding.

What advice do you have for other naturals or those considering going natural?
Don't set unrealistic expectations for your hair or yourself and be truthful with yourself about why you are going natural. It is hard work but worth it if that's where you want to go.

What are three words that describe your hair now?
Fluffy, Fluffy and Fluffy...oh and Beautiful

What does being "natural" mean to you?
Leaving things as they are

Where can we find you on the internet?
www.a-curl-can-dream.blogspot.com
 

Twist Updo for Work

I found this awesome twist out updo that looks professional for work and thought I should share.  I still have relatively short hair, so it was kind of difficult for me to find a protective style that is suitable for work and I defintely thought my  hair was too short for an updo.  But here it is!  I'm more than satisfied with it.  It took a lot of strategically placed hairpins but as long as you place the hairpins comfortably so they are not digging into your scalp, you are good. 
I searched on youtube and found this updo tutorial from kinkycurlycoilyme.  Check out the tutorial below.  Of course mine is slightly different as she did large twists and my hair is in my usual medium to small twists, but it still worked. Yay me!



Twist Updo Tutorial

Gotta Love Solange!

Say what you want about Solange Knowles, but this girl has style!!  No following after her older, ridiculously famous sister! She has carved her very own original style and you have to admire that she does what she wants and does not follow the trends.  Whether her afro is real or fake, it looks great on her and while she could get some straight weave that does not in anyway represent afro american hair (a la Ciara, Kelly Rowland to name a few), she chooses to rock a natural do (and I do mean ROCK!).  This is my favorite look.  Everything from the bangle, to the dress (love love love), to her makeup (not overdone) is on point.  I have to hand it to the girl ... no one can ever accuse her of walking in her sister's shadow ... oh btw, I believe she has a new song out that is just as original as her style

Listen here:
Solange Knowles - Favors