My Hair (The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly)

 So I've been having a little bit of a struggle with my hair since taking the rope twists out a couple of weeks ago.  It just wouldn't cooperate with me and just wanted to look crazy and do it's own thing.  I got so flustered with it that I went out and bought a kit for a Keratin Treatment.  Please don't judge me.  It just goes to show that you're never really above having self esteem issues and more specifically hair- esteem issues.  I just felt that it was too much work, I wasn't meeting my goals and I just wasn't feeling very attractive.  I was having a moment.
Well after doing some research on the keratin treatment realizing it has formaldehyde or some derivative of that in it, I realized it was hopeless.  I wasn't feeling bad enough about my hair to go back to messing with harmful chemicals.  The reason I had thought about it in the first place, is that it's not permanent like a relaxer.  I knew even in the midst of my crisis that I didn't want to make a permanent decision.  Anyway, putting chemicals in my hair to alter it is a no-go for  me so I left it alone until I finally made peace with it again. 
I'm back to being in love with my hair.  Kinks, curls naps and all.  I just spent some time giving it some TLC with finger detangling and a co-wash and I decided it might help me to continue to feel good about my hair and see my progress if I document my hair journey more.  Here are photos of what it's been doing over the past week. 

Puff... the shrinkage is maddening

Twist out...again mad shrinkage but I was fine with it

Messy twist out, out and about in my car running errands

Later that evening out with friends and the bf

Same night, enjoying myself

The next day, hanging around at home... it just kept getting fluffier

Day 3 of the same twist out, decided to wear it out for work

Day 4 of the same twist out.  I had put it in a bun it in the morning so the curls were mostly gone but this was right before my pre-shampoo treatment

Anyway, I love my hair because as you can see there are so many different looks.  One day it looks one way, the next completely different.  Oh and despite my struggles with styling it, it's been oh so soft and fluffy.  It's been hard to keep my hands out of it.  Hopefully it stays that way for a while.

That's it.  Later Gators!

Veggies Veggies and More Veggies

Hey Naturalistas

I thought I would share with you my journey to adding more veggies to my diet.  A few months ago I went to the doctor and found out I was severely anemic which made sense with how fatigued I felt a lot of times.  I had known for a long time that I just don't eat enough fruits and vegetables and I decided then that it was time.  I bought a juicer and you can read about my foray into juicing here: Hooked on the Juice.  I definitely recommend juicing.

Anyway, I can't say I grew up eating a lot of vegetables.  When I walk through the produce department at Publix, I have no idea what most of the vegetables are, how to prepare them or what they taste like.  Which is why I am experimenting and so far so good.

I started out with zucchini.  I had never tasted a zucchini in my life.  I made a chunky vegetable soup medley thingey (I have no idea what to call it) consisting of lots of peeled and sliced zucchini, corn, black beans, and tomato chunks.  It's not really soupy because it has so much veggies in it, it's more the consistency of chili minus the meat.  I add chili sauce and various seasonings.

Well, recently I decided to buy asparagus.  I had also never really eaten asparagus.  I decided to make it with this turkey sausage pasta that I had made before.  I just cooked the pasta as usual.  I cooked the sausage in a teaspoon of olive oil.  I then coat the asparagus in a wee bit of olive oil and grilled/stir fried it in same the pan so it gets the flavor of the sausage.  The asparagus ends up being crispy and quite yummy.  I added the asparagus and sausage to the pasta and I added marinara sauce (not shown).  And for the first time, I've enjoyed eating vegetables.  I plan to keep going with this and randomly add various veggies to my usual dishes or come up with new ones and see how it goes.

As a follow-up on my juicing, my digestive system did adjust and I have had no issues.  Along with taking daily iron supplements, I've found I have more energy and I have had no dizziness/light headed-ness and feeling overall better.  I've been juicing daily on and off (going on a vacation, running out of veggies and not having time to replenish, etc.) but trying to be more consistent with it.  I"m actually running to the gym right now then going to restock my veggies.  Right now I'm using cucumbers, carrots, celery, an apple and ginger and lime for flavor.  

Why I Deactivated My Facebook Account

I deactivated my Facebook account last night. It's not the first time I've done it. It's always temporary. Sometimes I go just days, sometimes weeks before reactivating it. I may go months this time, maybe I'll permanently deactivate it. Wait, I'm not sure if I'm ready for that big step yet. But let me break down what Facebook has done to my life, and I'm sure many of you can relate. Before Facebook, people just went about their lives. They kept contact with a few friends from high school maybe, from college perhaps and a few of their current acquaintances: co-workers, friends of the family, etc. More than likely you would have lost contact with most of the people from your past. They went about their lives, you went about yours. Maybe on occasion you may have stopped to wonder: whatever happened to so-and so? And then you move on. If you are compelled to do so and you are friends with someone who is still in contact with them, you may ask how they're doing. But generally you move along with your own life. Step by step, day by day. Then came Facebook. You made an account and added a photo of yourself thinking of all the people from your past who may be seeing it. You find the best-looking picture of you. The one of you on a beach in Brazil (look how lucky I am to have traveled so far), the one where you have on something that brings out your eyes and shows off your figure for all the guys in the past who overlooked you and of course to make other girls jealous. You add the prestigious school you went to. You put down that you're "in a relationship" and daydream about the moment when you can change that status to engaged or married for the all the world to see. Old acquaintances, friends, lovers, enemies alike all popped up out of the woodwork. You felt the need to "friend" all those people. Their faces would pop up on the left side of the screen under "People You May Know" and with one click you could friend them and you did. You would feel a feeling a satisfaction, one more notch on your friend-count. Just one of the many ways to judge your own self worth... and others. Let's see if I can get up to 200 friends like Mike. Oh wow, John has 550 friends, he must be popular and well-liked. You friend your friends. You friend your enemies. Because you want them to see how far you've come, how hot you look, how cute your kids are, that someone loved you enough to marry you, that you started your own company, etc. Just a little boost for your ego. Until you find yourself "cyber-stalking" other people. (Don't act like you don't do it). You log into Facebook 10x a day to read other people's status updates. You realize that each time you log in and someone is bragging about how awesome their life is and how lucky they are, posting photos of their $50,000 wedding or their lavish vacation and you start to wonder what's up with your own life. Feelings of inadequacy start to creep in. And you feel inadequate for feeling inadequate. After all, it's just a silly social networking website. The obsession continues. A sting of envy to find out that your ex-best friend just got engaged and you're still single. You find yourself caring so much about the lives of people you never speak to... your "friends". Being a relatively self-aware person, I was seeing these patterns in myself. This need for validation from fake virtual "friends"...people who would not show up to my funeral if I died (but would maybe gossip to other people about it and secretly feel better about their own lives because, well, better me than them). Cynical? Maybe. True? Most likely. I decided to deactivate my account because I was spending more time focused on other people's lives than my own. And although I am a very private person, I was feeling the urge to engage in the bragging and desperate seeking of validation that people tend to do on Facebook. I was tempted to brag about how great my life is, to post pictures of my lavish vacation and of the flowers my boyfriend bought me today with the caption : "I'm the luckiest girl in the world :)". And although there's nothing wrong with that, it's the intention. All my real friends know about my life. Like everyone else's, it has its ups and downs. They will all see the pictures from my vacation because they will come see me and I will show them or we'll get together at some point. They will all know when I'm engaged or married or having a baby, because I will pick up the phone and call them and tell them. The only reason I would post it on Facebook is for the fake "friends". And why do they need to know the details of my life? That is the question and also the answer. So when I feel myself losing myself. I withdraw a little, turn inward and focus on what is here now. The people who truly love me and will be there for me and would show up to my funeral if I died today. I deactivated my account to prove that Socrates was wrong when he said, "The unexamined life is not worth living". Oh a less sour note, Facebook has its place when used correctly. Sometimes there are people who do honestly care about you and you about them. And maybe they are far away, and Facebook is a convenient way to share your life with them from across the country or across the world or wherever. That said, I'm almost certain that most people don't use Facebook strictly in this way. 9 times out of 10 it's in the ways I described above, especially among young people. Anyway, it feels good to disconnect, and thereby reconnect to what really matters here and now. Facebook, we shall meet again soon. Until then, farewell!

"Hair" We Go Again

I took my twists out after 5 weeks of having them in. I was getting really antsy to remove them as I tend to do whenever I get my hair braided or twisted. They were also frizzy and starting to look messy. I was originally aiming for 8 weeks. Then, I thought maybe I could go 6 weeks. But, alas, it was time. Well, it was a much needed break. A break I needed from dealing with my hair and the break it needed from dealing with me. I'm kind of excited about my hair again. I'm hitting milestones so I know I'm progressing. My hair is past my shoulders now and can do a decent bun all on its own without the help of headbands and a million hairpins. It should be a little more low maintenance from here. Oh and to address one thing. I had posed the question in a previous post as to whether the trauma and manipulation of installing twists and braids is worth the period of low manipulation. My hair suffered some real trauma, I can see the places where it's broken and frayed from rough handling at the hands of the person who did my hair. What can I say, even I lack the patience sometimes to handle my hair gently so I certainly can't expect someone with nothing invested in keeping my hair healthy to have the patience. It's one of the reasons I choose to have my hair done only once a year at most. That and the fact that I realize I'm really not a fan of long hair. That's why I get so antsy to remove them. All that hair (hair that didn't grow out of my head at that) all over me just makes me cranky sometimes!

Anyway, I'm excited again about my big wild crazy hair. I'm gonna try to take really good care of it so it'll be healthy and strong again.

My Hair Journey (from 2 years ago)

Below is a note I wrote on Facebook back in Sept of 2010... 2 years ago! I was a new natural then and it was long before I even thought of starting this blog but I felt the need to chronicle the amazing journey and share it somehow. It was interesting to go back and read about how I was feeling way back then. I hope this inspires you:

My Hair Journey (... So far) So as many of you have noticed, I cut my hair off the beginning of June. I had been planning this for awhile and finally found the guts to go through with it. My first reaction: like I was seeing myself for the first time. Good thing or bad thing, you ask? A little of both. The first thing I noticed was the shape of my head and my face, like I'd never seen it before. I couldn't quite put a finger on what I found so bizarre about my head and my face (which I had looked at in the mirror many times before). Maybe it's because my head isn't very long and my head looked small ... or something. I wasn't sure. It took awhile to get used to. I felt naked. So what led up to this? I'd never considered going natural. I just never thought of it as an option that was for me. I never paid attention to the other people who wore their natural hair, except for the ones who have bi-racial hair, with big poofy perfectly defined curls. I admired their hair, but knew that's not what mine would look like. So I looked, but the thought of wearing my hair natural never even crossed my mind. I guess it was my ex-boyfriend who originally planted the seeds. He is not of my race and any comments on my hair, even with the most affection, were very unwelcome and I let him know that. But he persisted, in the sweetest way he could. "Why don't you wear your natural hair?" It incited defensiveness in me. What does a white guy know about a black woman's hair? And is it any of his business? I assumed that he assumed I had the type of hair I described above and once he saw my kinky coarse hair, he would scoff. I also felt strongly that he should keep his opinion on what I should do with my hair to himself. But even in my anger, deep down I thought about it. He had planted the seeds but they weren't growing. They just sat there in the back of my mind until one day out of nowhere, my sister told me she was considering going natural. I hadn't mentioned anything to her about the conversations with my then-boyfriend so it was seemingly out of nowhere. In response, I said the last thing I would have imagined myself to say: "Me too!". Maybe it was hearing it from a fellow "sister" who had hair like mine instead of a white guy who knew nothing about black hair. But I was now open to it. Fear and excitement filled me. I went three months without a relaxer, longer than I had ever gone since my first relaxer at 9 years old. And then it all crashed. My then-boyfriend and I broke up and I was single again. I felt vulnerable! I had so many decisions to make, many which had nothing to do with my hair. But my vulnerability was breaking me and I told my sister I wasn't sure if I'd be able to continue on this journey with her. Even then, I persisted. On Feb. 14 2010, a week after my sister did her "Big Chop", I caved and relaxed mine. I won't say I immediately regretted it. I was a little relieved but I although my hair was straight and silky, it was still broken and damaged and I knew it wasn't the right thing. As I got over the breakup and readjusted to some changes in my life, I began to entertain going natural again. My sister at this time was already natural and loving it and giving me inspiration everyday. Another 3 1/2 months of no relaxer and I finally cut it in June. I had gotten lots of encouragement from people who didn't even have any idea what I was planning. I was working in a hospital at the time. Hospitalized patients tend to be at their most vulnerable it brings out the best or worst in people. In my experience, some of the nicest, memorable people I've met are patients I worked with in the hospital, but that's a different note for another day. I was transitioning and was no longer able to wear my hair down, so I'd slick it back and bobby pin it down so my face was exposed. I got lots of compliments on my face and how much better it looked unmasked by hair, although I'd always had short hair, I usually had bangs framing, or concealing my face. Apparently I have a nice face and nice bone structure and don't need hair at all! At least that's what people were leading me to believe. One patient, an elderly lady who apparently used to be a model (she had many pictures of her young self in her hospital room) told me I had a great face and a lovely hairline. That one perplexed me, but it made me feel good nonetheless. So I figured, if I look more beautiful without hair in my face, I'll probably shine even more once I cut it all off. Well that confidence didn't always stay with me after I did it. I had bad days. But I still got compliments at work. I had inspired some black women at the hospital to do it, others said I had the face for it but it was just not for them, and some looked or even stared but said nothing. Those ones made me most self-conscious. One of my co-workers a middle aged woman who apparently had a wild streak, told me I had "sexy" hair. No one laughed or scoffed and I didn't hear any whispers. People mostly just got over it. My hair felt dry and rough at first and some days I looked in the mirror and didnt' like what I saw despite the affirmations. But I learned what products to use, how to care for it and the #1 requirement": wear it with confidence no matter how you feel! Most people don't even notice your bad hair day, but they do notice if you look downtrodden and dejected. They notice if you look confident and self- assured. I've had a few days of regret but by and large, as with most of my life experiences, I would do it all again! Someone once said, you are more likely to regret they things you didnt' do that the things you did. I try to live by that in instances where it makes sense which is most of them. It hasn't failed me yet!

SOLANGE - LOSING YOU